It's all a numbers game?

       I completed my 1st mini marathon. I am not excited about the "time". I refuse to even look at it. I began the race feeling well. I thought I had won the battle with nerves. I was feeling really good. I was ok with my pace the 1st 6 or 7 miles. My plan was to kick it up a notch at the past halfway point. We were the last to start so I was happy that I was out of the crowd. I have a tendency to want to speed up my pace to an uncomfortable one when in a crowd of runners. The view was stunning... Lake Mead, mountains & sunshine. It was mid 70s and when you add the runners 25 degrees to it, it felt like 90s. I was in a groove, ready to rock. The first part of the course was paved, the second was gravel. Not too far after I hit the gravel I was hit by more than just the ground changing. It was like something whacked my body and my groove. I fought & fought it. I realized that I had to walk and started seeing spots. NOOOOOO!!!! I tried to shake it off... Opened another GU hoping for energy a miracle. I debated sitting on a big rock. I forced myself not to.. for a while. I sat on a big rock for about 1 minute. I made myself get up. I was struggling to see and stand upright. I was praying for a water station. I walked and walked. I sat on the ground at one point and put my head between my legs. I forced myself to get up and keep going. FINALLY I saw a water station. I grabbed two and told them I was gonna sit on the bench. That was the plan. Well, I ran into the bench trying to sit. I sat with head between my legs. ALmost in tears, I drank more water. I could NOT believe this was happening. I refused to believe it. I got up, everything was spinning, so I sat down. I went through this about 4 times. I sat down and decided I was done. I thought it would be unsafe to attempt 6 more miles. I decided to wait for Casey to come back. Then it hit me that I at least need to finish. How I didn't know. I got up and started walking. I thought I was making a mistake but the runner in me that had trained sooooo hard and ate well & hydrated well for a week was not giving up. NO WAY. So I walked for awhile... I felt so discouraged. I tried not to cry. I felt cheated. I was out of my control. AS the runners looped by me walking I felt embarrased. I know I was not my fault & I was pushing my limit, but I should be with THEM. I am a runner!!!!!! I walked for a while and then made myself run for as long as I could. I got to THE hill... UGH. I walked then ran walked then ran. Then walked. And walked. And walked. If someone would have offered me a strecher I would have taken it, but only if it crossed the finish line first. FINALLY I made it. I teared up a lil and ran over the finish line. Nothing exciting. No hand in the air with accomplishment like I had dreamed of over & over. My medal was placed over my neck, but it was so uneventful. We snapped a few pictures. At that point I was struggling to stand upright. We took the 20 min walk through rocks and plants and shrubs and uneveness back to the truck. I felt like puking and passing out the whole walk. I didn't even drive my truck home.



     Yep, I finished my 1st half, yes I pushed through. I did it. But as a runner that trained HARD and was commited & did everything I could I am do disappointed. There will be others, I know. But THIS was my 1st half marathon. I will never have that again. I am happy that I accomplished what I set out to do, I am happy I was able to finish. I am ready to move past it & kill it next time.



back at home... glad it's over